


Lean into it

by cafffine



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Clone Centric (Star Wars), F/M, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Rex is supportive of Anakin/Padmé hes just gay and depressed, Slight internalized homophobia (author is a gay man), Unrequited Love, no sex but sex is discussed, this is sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafffine/pseuds/cafffine
Summary: Rex’s armor was too thick and his blacks too insulating, he was never able to feel the heat of Skywalker’s palm when he touched him, just the pressure.-Short and sad one-sided Rexwalker
Relationships: CT-7567 | Rex/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 29
Kudos: 144





	Lean into it

**Author's Note:**

> This is depressing but who doesn't love suffering sometimes??
> 
> REMINDER: The clones age at double speed, so if a clone is ten yrs old, they are twenty and NOT underage

Rex’s armor was too thick and his blacks too insulating, he was never able to feel the heat of Skywalker’s palm when he touched him, just the pressure. 

The first time Rex kissed a boy he was ten years old and the war was new, they were going to win and he wasn’t a very good kisser. He was in a club, he was drunk, the boy kissing him was tall and his hands were everywhere. Rex made a sound when teeth met his neck and he closed his eyes to the neon lights. 

The next day there was a purple spot just above his collar bone that he covered up with his blacks and his armor and his blasters. General Skywalker asked if he could ride in the same shuttle as his men, there wasn’t a universe where Rex said no. 

Lightsabers sounded like screaming, that was the first thing Rex noticed. They were hot when you got close to them and clones were not allowed to hold them. General Skywalker fought messy, he was tied to the ground, his boots sank into the mud when he landed and his teeth were bared when he killed people. It was nothing like General Kenobi who moved without stopping, without needing gravity. 

“You’re a good man, Rex.” Skywalker said one day, and Rex believed him. 

The war became a month and then it became a year. Rex got so good at watching people die that he started subconsciously counting down when he saw a wounded soldier. If they were bleeding from the stomach he’d start at thirty minutes, from the neck and he’d start at ten, five even. 

Commander Tano was too small and her wrists were thin enough for a clone to wrap their pinky finger around. Rex thought that if something ever happened to her he’d die, sometimes he thought he’d die if she got hurt. 

Skywalker’s hair got long and when he punched people he stepped into it. That wasn’t the right way to hit someone, but Rex wasn’t going to correct it, that wasn’t his job. Skywalker was sweating and his tongue was pink when he wet his lips and laughed. Men were beautiful sometimes, so much more beautiful to look at than they were to touch. 

Some of Rex’s brothers didn’t think the force was real, that the Jedi were magicians. They thought the air the Jedi bent was coming from their hands, from somewhere deep inside their bodies. Rex himself didn’t know for sure, but he felt like that was only true for Skywalker. The other Jedi were part of something vast that they could only hope to scratch the surface of, but not Skywalker, the force was in his veins, in his mouth. 

When he could, when he knew no one needed him, Rex went out and he talked to other men. Sometimes they kissed him and sometimes they took his clothes off. He didn’t like when they touched his face but he liked when they touched him everywhere else. His face was the only part that Skywalker could see. That was for him. 

It came up on him slow, the sound that Skywalker made when he sat down after a long day, the curl of his hair when the air was humid, the way he turned his bare hand until his wrist popped, the frown he wore when he slept, the choking sound he made when he laughed so hard that nothing else could come out, the way he bit the fingers of his glove to pull his hands out.

It came up on him slow, but it had always been there. Rex loved him all the time. 

Innocence was what made it easy. Rex wanted him to sleep, to eat, to sew a wound instead of letting it bleed. There was nothing wrong with wanting those things, happiness was not a sin to wish on another man. 

But sometimes it wasn’t easy, because sometimes, and only sometimes, Rex was not innocent and he wanted to put his lips on the inside of Skywalker's thigh, he wanted to bite him, dig his fingers in, make him scream, make him cry. 

That was only sometimes though, most of the time Rex wanted him to sleep, to eat, to sew a wound instead of letting it bleed. 

Senator Amidala was made of iron and polished until she shone. Her edges were sharp and symmetrical, she wore jewelry and carried a blaster. 

Rex stood outside Skywalkers bedroom while they had sex and he kept his comm channel on so he wouldn’t hear them. He listened to the static until his head hurt and Skywalker came back out to thank him with red swollen lips. 

Rex thought about reaching out with his gloved hands and putting a thumb on Skywalkers bottom lip and pressing. He thought about Skywalker touching his face and wanting the same thing. 

He said, “Glad I could be of service, General.” And then he walked away and went to bed with his ears ringing. 

There was something haunting Skywalker that Rex couldn't see, and couldn’t fight. He shot down droids and protected his brothers and did what Skywalker asked of him, but that was it. Whatever monster stood at the edge of Skywalker’s vision and turned his eyes dark was his alone, Rex could only watch. 

It got easier. Rex didn’t want to touch Skywalker as badly as he used to, he just wanted him to survive the war. 

Rex broke his wrist and fell down hard, there was dirt in his mouth and on his front teeth that he spit out as Skywalker hauled him to his feet. His arm was around Anakin’s shoulders and he was being dragged back to the ship. There was dirt in his mouth and his wrist hurt and he thought, Gods, Gods, this is what it tastes like. 

It was good that there was someone taking care of Skywalker, Senator Amidala was doing it better than Rex ever could. It was good that he loved her and that she loved him back, it was saving him, it was holding him together. 

Rex stood outside their bedroom, he loved Anakin, the static on his dead comm channel sounded like a symphony.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! come say hi on tumblr if you want! I'm always there @cafffine and ready to shout about star wars :)


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